Aviation Quotes

[Roddez]

Some theories about Aviation - Various sources!

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline baggage.

An old pilot is one who can remember when flying was dangerous and sex was safe.

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.

Airlines have really changed, now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage/classic helicopter fly-ins?

Death is just nature's way of telling you to watch your airspeed or rotor RPM.

Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why bulldozers & helicopters -- in that order -- need two.

There are only three things the copilot should ever say:
1. Nice landing, Sir.
2. I'll buy the first round.
3. I'll take the ugly one.

As a pilot, only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will.
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight.
b. One day you will walk out to the aircraft not knowing that it is your last flight.

There are Rules and there are Laws. The Rules are made by men who think that they know better how to fly your airplane than you. Laws (of Physics)were made by the Great One. You can, and sometimes should, suspend the Rules but you can never suspend the Laws.

About Rules:
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance. (e.g., If you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)

The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.

The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation profession.

Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the pilot is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over I know of no expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.

Before each flight, make sure that your bladder is empty and your fuel tanks are full!

He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool.

There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.

The aircraft limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular aircraft. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no limits.

Flying is a great way of life for men who want to feel like boys, but not for those who still are.

Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.

Forget all that stuff about lift, gravity, thrust and drag. An airplane flies because of money. If God had meant man to fly, he would have given him more money.

If black boxes survive air crashes -- why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

In the Alaska bush I'd rather have a two hour bladder and three hours of gas than vice versa.

It's not that all airplane pilots are good-looking. Just that good-looking people seem more capable of flying airplanes. Or so seasoned observers contend. A matter of self-confidence? No doubt, no doubt.

I've flown in both pilot seats, can someone tell me why the other one is always occupied by an idiot?

Son, you're going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. You can't do both.

There are only two types of aircraft -- fighters and targets.

You define a good flight by negatives: you didn't get hijacked, you didn't crash, you didn't throw up, you weren't late, you weren't nauseated by the food. So you're grateful.

New Civil Aviation Safety Authority (CASA) Motto: We're not happy till you're not happy!

[Hobber]

The aircraft limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular aircraft. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no limits.

...unless it's an Airbus...

And what about my favourite...

"There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are few old, bold pilots..."

[Roddez]

And what about my favourite...

"There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are few old, bold pilots..."

Rubbish. There are plenty of Old Bold Pilots. You should come to an event called WorldFlight each year. There you will meet many Old (and young for that matter) Bold Pilots.

[Hobber]

I think you mean old and bald...

[Adrian2627]

One of my favourites as an Aircraft Tech was

Pilot reports loose nut in cockpit as an unserviceability after a sortee. Tech rights the issue off as "pilot changed - rectified"

[Roddez]

One of my favourites as an Aircraft Tech was

Pilot reports loose nut in cockpit as an unserviceability after a sortee. Tech rights the issue off as "pilot changed - rectified"

Yep, those famous squawks were pretty funny. Here is the full list. Isn't google amazing.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on order.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for.

[Adrian2627]

I've seen some very similar things in aircraft maintenance logs before. Sometimes military pilots just aren't as specific as their supposed intelligence and training would imply they should be.

[GTBR46]

I can still recall a picture in the AMEs office of a helicopter company I worked for that went something like:

Fixed wing aircraft are graceful in design, taking advantage of the laws of physics....

Rotary wing aricraft, however, just brutally beat them into submission.

[Roddez]

Rotary wing aricraft, however, just brutally beat them into submission.

There is also the theory that rotary wing aircraft are so ugly that the earth repels them.

[subyroo]

The best one I heard was from Air Traffic Controller (ATC).

"It doesn't matter how much the aircraft cost - the smoking hole in the ground is still the same."

[zorbaru]

"an aeroplane was built to fly, a helicopter was built to fall"

[smythie]

A little bit of Russian craziness in Canberra

[smythie]

A man was sitting in the bar at Mascot Terminal and noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself:
'Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an air hostess. I wonder which airline she works for.'
'I still call Australia home' he says to her. She pulled away from him & gave an ice cold glare.
'Obviously not with QANTAS'. He thought.
Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta Airline slogan, 'Love to fly and it shows?' She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself:' Well, she obviously doesn't work for Delta.'
A moment later, another slogan popped into his head, so he leaned towards her again and said, 'Something special in the air?' She gave him the same confused look, and he mentally kicked himself, while scratching Singapore Airlines off the list.
He thought 'Perhaps she works for Thai Airways...' and said, 'Smooth as Silk?' This time the woman turned on him and said, 'What the **** do you want?'
The man smiled, slumped back in his chair, and said 'Ahhhhh, Jetstar!'

[Roddez]

How not to land an aircraft... It's called Ground Effect and it can either be your friend, or your worst nightmare!

[smythie]

by the time you got over halfway down the runway without touching down wouldn't you be back on the power and aborting the landing?