Only opens his mouth to change feet

[YamYam]

A man is in a queue at Coles and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.

"Excuse me do I know you?" he asks.

"Yes, I think you are the father of one of my kids" she says.

The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says, "Oh my God, are you the bird I shagged on my bucks party, whilst your mate whipped me, and your other mate stuck a hairbrush up my arse?"

"No," she replies, "I'm your son's English teacher!"

[smythie]

Not so much foot in mouth but located at a checkout
------
I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Pal at Big W and standing in line at the check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Pal Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Pal nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid b*tch...why else would I buy dog food??

[Sentinel]

Both post are very good. Lol!

[Fangin_RX]

haha both very funny

[adz2.0r]

Nice work guys.