Ok.
So, I am sick of this at this point, so I drop it off to the experts and Got it Rex.

They spend 20+ hours on it, and test literally EVERYTHING, including a replacement ECU, and driving the spark plug from another car. Aleck recommends pulling the engine because there must be something wrong with the head.
In anticipation of that I grab an engine with a dead bottom end.


I realise I can't put it on the stand because I don't have bolts, so one quick trip to the bolt shop later..

Wait. This toolbox is shit. time to upgrade

Wait, that's only half a toolbox!

Ok, let's pull this down

Oh yeah this is absolutely dead - The rod moved all around on the crank, this engine was absolutely toast, despite 'running when wrecked'

Oh, and everything is full of metal. Fantastic. Not a dealbreaker fortunately, I just have to clean EVERYTHING thoroughly.

Time to rip the engine out. By the magic of the internet:

Just leave this hanging around

Pull the clutch off ... and the pilot bearing comes with. W T F. Thankfully I was pulling this anyway - it looks like it wasn't enough of a press fit and has come loose. I took this to the machine shop to have an insert machined and pressed in before it does anymore damage.

Another casualty - my Ryobi work light. RIP light, 2018-2019. You will be missed (but not for long because I bought another one)

Stripped a bolt hole, which is how it goes with a subaru block.

I also accidentally ripped my AFM plug off the loom after it got caught on the motor when removing it. I sourced a plug with a decent amount of wiring on it from a wreck and will join it further down.

OK, head off! Can see some minor FOD, but the spark plug actually looks not too bad - I'm impressed with my in-the-bay repair.

Oh shit. here he come. dat boy. Broken valve spring.

Pull it out:

Ben from Benny's Custom Works reached out and offered to source me some Kelford valve springs and retainers - i said yeah let's do that, and I got a whole new set. I also hit up partsouq and a few other places, as well as my parts stash and prepared everything I'll need. I also ordered a subaru specific valve spring compressor, because I got sick of my stupid around-the-head one, which at time of writing has not arrived.

The previous owner of this engine did NOT change the oil - my head on the left.

Cam journals are a bit scored - but not too bad. Will get the machine shop to give them a polish.

Off they go. As of writing everything is still at the machine shop

Got a few other things to go on the car while I'm at it - front under brace, steering rack bushings, 6MT reverse sensor, will also make a shield for the external gates, got some silicon radiator hoses, as well as the kap industries catch can.
Hopefully it'll all be back together soon so I can finally have it working properly. I can dream, right?