Merry Christmas from the Old Farts Chapter

[Manaz]

Old fart, junior member. 40 in less than a month

I'm around 9 months behind you then.

[Flat6Estate]

I know what your parents were doing to celebrate my birth.....

[BillyCorgi]

I know what your parents were doing to celebrate my birth.....

Where was the milkman, then?

[Manaz]

I know what your parents were doing to celebrate my birth.....

Where was the milkman, then?

hahaha.

Amusingly, my parents are 5'4" and 5'3" tall - and I'm 6'4". The milkman is often mentioned!

[gyroo]

That reminds me of the old joke about the milkman and the blonde

The husband is sitting at the table reading a paper and having breakfast....

His wife, a true blonde, very pretty,but a bit thick, but always willing to please her husband says....

"Fred the postman is retiring after 50 years as a postman today.... some of the neighbours want to give him a present?"

The husband doesn't even bother looking up from his paper and says "Pffftttt... f... him, give him 5 bucks and tell him to have a nice life!" ..... and he goes off to work.

As he is coming home for lunch.... as he is approaching his front gate, the husband sees an old man putting something in his wallet and struggling to get on his bike... then wobbles down the road, passing the husband. The husband notices a glazed look in the old guys eyes, a very strange smile and the old guy is mumbling something the husband couldn't understand??

The husband goes to his door and is greeted by his wife... looking very dechevilled, makeup running and hair unusually scruffy .... only wearing a dressing gown He asks his wife who that was?

The wife explains..."that was Fred, he is retiring today, remember I told you this morning?"

Then she exclaims.... "Sh!t!!" and runs to the front door and yells as loud as she can.... "Have a nice life Fred"

That day, the husband learned how careful he has to be when saying something to his wife

[BillyCorgi]

An old married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.'

So the old married couple walked in.

The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.'

Well, the wife had not been happy for a long time and was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the old fart that he was.

The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?' The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'

Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before or in such a long time!!

In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.

The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!'

[2353]

I qualify on age - but have never driven on Parramatta Road (probably because I have always lived in Queensland). So do I get honorary membership?

[BillyCorgi]

I qualify on age - but have never driven on Parramatta Road (probably because I have always lived in Queensland). So do I get honorary membership?

I am sure that Honorary Membership may be kindly arranged.
Are you able to obtain a written reference as to your driving debauchery in your younger years? Statements from Relatives carry the most credibility.
Cheers!

[Flat6Estate]

Turning 40 in 26 days time, I ask that I be considered for a Junior Old Farts membership.
If I am in the city after dark, I still go come home via Kings Cross, and up Paramatta Rd and the Great Western Hwy (instead of that new fan-dangled M4), just in case there is some Cruise/traffic light drags action out there.

Duties will also include staying up until midnight tonight to see in the new year - while the Official Lifetime members will be in bed at 8:30pm after 1 Baileys with Horliks and milk, and for the harder core full members, a west coast cooler

[gyroo]

+1 on the whorlicks

What? You haven't ever driven on Parramatta rd? Poor thing.... you wouldn't know the joy of rummaging around sims metal's drop off yard at night then? Hunting parts off dumped cars? We used to wear small oxy and acetylene bottles on our backs and go get bits

[BillyCorgi]

+1 on the whorlicks

Whore Licks?

[gen3v8]

I did not laugh at the jokes. Old ones I heard about 40+ years ago.

Milking Peti?

[Manaz]

Turning 40 in 26 days time, I ask that I be considered for a Junior Old Farts membership.
If I am in the city after dark, I still go come home via Kings Cross, and up Paramatta Rd and the Great Western Hwy (instead of that new fan-dangled M4), just in case there is some Cruise/traffic light drags action out there.

Duties will also include staying up until midnight tonight to see in the new year - while the Official Lifetime members will be in bed at 8:30pm after 1 Baileys with Horliks and milk, and for the harder core full members, a west coast cooler

I haven't seen Horlicks since I left the UK in 1993 (I was only there a few years, I'm no pom!)

[Flat6Estate]

but you were over there drinking Foster's weren't you?

[Manaz]

but you were over there drinking Foster's weren't you?

I don't know a single aussie who drinks Fosters.

It was Carling Black Label for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUtHcTmklGE

Ignore the fact that it's labelled as a Carlsberg ad, it's not.