Hobber's JOTD

[Fangin_RX]

Ahaha Love it Hobber .

[Roddez]

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out and relax! I mean, no sex since 1955! Come with me."

She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his grizzled bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

[teK--]

Hahaha oh shit I just dropped part of my sandwich

[Fangin_RX]

Rod you sir are a funny bloke . Showed my parents that one they both pissed themselves laughing

[smythie]

4 catholic men and a catholic woman were having lunch.
The 1st man said "My son is a priest. When he enters a room people call him `father'."
The 2d man said "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room people call him `Your grace'."
The 3rd man said "My son is a cardinal. When he enters a room people call him `Your eminence'."
The 4th man said "My son is pope. When he enters a room people call him `Your holiness'."
The woman said "My daughter is a porn star with 32F tits*. When she enters a room people say `Oh my God'."


*example only - she isn't real pron star

[Hobber]

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

[smythie]

An oldie but a goodie

A man went into a restaurant in Spain and as he walked past a table on the way in, noticed a very tasty smell coming from the food being eaten there and checked out the meal, which had a couple of lumps of meat in a sauce.

He asked the waiter what the dish was.
The waiter informed him that it was called `Cajones El Toro'.
The man asked if he could try it but the waiter explained that there was only one serve available per night, and it wasn't available until after the finish of the evening's bullfight.

The man asked if it was possible to reserve the following evenings serving for him, and the waiter said it could be done.

The next evening the man arrived, and was duly served with his order.
He commented to the waiter that the meal appeared to be smaller that the one he'd seen the previous evening.
The waiter replied "Si Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

[Hobber]

Ha!

[smythie]

I have four extra tickets for the Robbie Knievel's (son of Evil Knievel) event next weekend in Melbourne, if anybody wants them.

Robbie is going to try to jump over 1,000 Collingwood supporters with a Caterpillar D-9 bulldozer.




Should be a great night !

[Fangin_RX]

Rofl, Now ill go see that with you Tony

[smythie]

Let this one stagnate a bit long

A steeplechase trainer's instructions to a jockey were that when he came to each jump, he should call out 'Up and over' to the horse.
The jockey thought this was stupid and decided to ignore it. However when they got to the 1st jump. the horse just crashed through it. When the same thing happened at the second jump he decided that he would try doing what the trainer said and the horse went on the win the race with no more problems.
When he got back, the trainer asked what had happened at the 1st 2 jumps.
Unwilling to admit that he'd ignored the instructions, the jockey said "I think the horse is a bit deaf."
The trainer replied "No way. Blind yes, but not deaf."

[Roddez]

It would appear that since getting his new GT, Hobber has better things to do than keep us amused...

So, here goes todays effort:

A Catholic priest, an Indian Doctor, a Rich Chinese business man and an Aussie were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.

The Aussie fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes"
The Indian doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf"
The Chinese business man called out, "Move it, Time is money".
The Catholic priest said "Here comes George the greens keeper. Lets have a word with him..

"Hello, George what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they"

George the greens keeper replied, "Of yes that's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight in an explosion while saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime".

The group fell silent for a moment.

The Catholic priest said, "That's so sad I think I'll say a special prayer for them tonight".
The Indian Doctor said "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleagues and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The Chinese Business man replied, "I think I'll donate $50,000 to the Fire Brigade in honour of these brave souls"!
The Aussie said "Why can't they play at night?"

[smythie]

A religious man isn't sure whether sex was work or play, and therefore permitted on the sabbath. He asked a catholic priest for his opinion. The priest consulted the bible and said "My son, after an exhaustive search I'm positive that sex is work, and therefore not permitted on the sabbath.

The man thought "What does a catholic priest really know about sex"and decided to get another opinion.
So he asked an Anglican minister, who also replied that sex was work, and therefore not permitted on the sabbath.

Still not convinced, he sought out a rabbi and asked him the question.
After pondering for a bit, the rabbi said "Sex is definitely play"
The man said "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when the priest and the minister both say it is work?"
"The rabbi replied "Ïf it was work, my wife would have the maid do it."

[Hobber]

Those Rabbis are wise...

[smythie]

Every xmas, Santa visit all the homes around the world leaving toys for the children. One year he was tip-toeing through the loungeroom of a house and was surprised to see a beautiful naked young woman standing in the doorway looking at him.
Embarrased, he said "Oh, hi. I was just dropping off a present."
"What about me," she said. "Do I get a present too?"
"Ummm, I have places to go, things to do."
"Come on Santa" she said, licking her lips and rubbing herself suggestively. "Give me a present."
He looked at his watch, and said "F#$k it. I'd never get back up the chimney like this anyway."