Interesting Office Memo
Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 10:52 amWell i came to work this morning and found this memo sitting on my desk waiting for me...
Due to the current financial position and proable future merger, management has decided to impliment a scheme to put all empoloyees over twenty five on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retired Aged Personnel Early)
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). The situation of employees who have been RAPED & SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme for Retired Early Workers). An employee may only be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice but screwed as many times as management deems appropriate.
Employees who have been RAPED can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependant or Spouse), or HERPES (Half Earnings or Retired Persons's Early Serverance). Obviously employees who had AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.
Employees staying on will receive as much SHIT (Spcial High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the mount of SHIT it gives its employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your manager, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Due to the current financial position and proable future merger, management has decided to impliment a scheme to put all empoloyees over twenty five on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retired Aged Personnel Early)
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). The situation of employees who have been RAPED & SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme for Retired Early Workers). An employee may only be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice but screwed as many times as management deems appropriate.
Employees who have been RAPED can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependant or Spouse), or HERPES (Half Earnings or Retired Persons's Early Serverance). Obviously employees who had AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.
Employees staying on will receive as much SHIT (Spcial High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the mount of SHIT it gives its employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your manager, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Bob.