oldies but still makes me laugh

[sundayDriver]

Boy comes home and tells his parents he has just had sex for the first
time.
The proud Dad says: "I'll buy you a bike to celebrate, but you will have to
wait until next pay day".
The boy replies: "That's alright Dad, my arse is too sore to ride it anyway."
.................................................. .........................................

Had my first Gig as a stand up comedian at an old peoples' home last
night.
They didn't get any of my jokes but they still pissed themselves.
.................................................. .........................................

Westy girl in bed with her boyfriend says: "How dare you call me a
whore, get out of my bed right now and take your ****ing mates with you."

.................................................. ..........................................

Teacher says to little Tommy: "Why weren't you at school yesterday?"
Tommy says: "My grandfather got burnt." Teacher asks: "Badly?"
Little Tommy says: "Yes, they don't **** about at the crematorium."

--------------------------

A man comes back from the Amazon with a cock-sucking frog, and gives it to his wife.
She asks: "What should I do with that?"
He says: "Teach it to cook, then **** off!"

-------------------------------------------------

Old Sailor

Norm, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake.

He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?'

The prostitute replies, 'Well Norm, old sailor, you're doing about three knots.'

'Three knots?' he asks. ' What's that supposed to mean?' She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back.'

---------------------------------------------------

Wife: What would you do if I won the lottery?
Husband: take half the winnigs and leave...
Wife: I won $12, here's $6 now get lost!

---------------------------------------------------------------
Man says to his Doctor - "Doc I think my wife might be dead."

Doctor asks - "what makes you think such a thing?"

Man replies - "well.....the sex is the same but the dishes seem to be piling up.

[conkyd]

Fantastic!